I’ve been on various dating sites for several years and I’ve had basically zero luck. I’m not a bad appearing guy( I have pics if anyone requires verification) but I’m actually starting to feel annoyance setting in at this point, especially when I read how easy it apparently is for so many men. I keep hearing about “you have to be attractive” and “you have to have game”, but none of this helps me.
Recently, I got a subscription to the hook-up site NoStringsAttached, affiliated with AdultFriendFinder, out of a mixture of curiosity and desperation, but I can say it’s easily been worse than the dating sites, as there’s almost never anyone online and surely no one remotely close to my region of the world anyway. Most of what I’ve found on here is either bots or borderline sociopathic scammers over the past 2 week, basically no real profiles or genuine people. And yet, out of sheer sadism, I keep looking up other men’s experiences with online dating and get incensed when I hear how their “game” consists of messaging females saying”ur hot, let’s fuck”. What kind of sorry excuse for game is that? Am I supposed to be taking this advice severely? If that works for you, then great, more power to you, but I’m pretty certain telling a woman online you want to have sex with her isn’t what’s setting these guys apart from me. If I ever tried that approach, it would never work.
A few years back, I overheard a guy boasting about how he joined a hookup site and has sex with a new girl every week. His foolproof method: he messages women and says “Let’s have sex.” Amazing, wish I had thought of that. Dude should be hosting seminars. When I asked the guy how he’s had such a high success rate, the dude next to me runs “Are you serious? Just look at him! ” Okay, granted, the guy was attractive, I’ll give him that much, but I’m sure there’s tons of attractive humen on these sites and, candidly, having an attractive image and lines like “I want sex” should either work for everyone or no one. I don’t understand how some humen have non-stop consistent luck with online dating while others, like myself, get nowhere.
I was likely to also mention that as poor as my sexuality life has been, I’ve had far more success in real life than I have online, which I find odd. Not that it’s wholly relevant but I suffer from autism, which affects the way I express myself( facial expressions, body language, voice modulation, etc .), so you would think that online dating would actually be somewhat easier for me. However, all of my relationships have been from people I’ve met in person , not online, which I believe goes against the conventional wisdom that online dating is a boon for those who can’t hack it face to face. This just adds to my bewilderment, since I would think that- if it’s all the same- my text-based dialogue would be more effective than my verbal dialogue, seeing as how it’s merely abject terms on a screen, and certainly shouldn’t be any less persuasive than anyone else’s words. Yet, every time I search for tips-off, I get the same useless advice: don’t talk too long, she’ll get bored and stop messaging; don’t rush, she’ll get turned off and stop messaging; always talking here her , not yourself; always talk about yourself , not her; be sensitive; has become a douchebag, etc. I’ve realized by now that none of these people knows what the hell they’re talking about because they’ve been successful DESPITE not having done anything particularly “right”. Whatever they do just seems to garner positive results and that’s led them to believe that everything they do has resulted in their success because it’s effective. Well, reality is, if it were truly effective, it would be equally effective for everyone, which it patently isn’t. And you don’t even have the excuse that it’s “the way” it’s being done because, online , no one can text differently than anyone else, as opposed to presenting yourself a certain way in person via persuasive foibles. If it’s simply terms on a screen, then no one can have the upper hand over anyone else because’ X’ factors such as swagger, charm, and charisma can’t exist in online dating.
And, just to clarify, I have gotten plenty of’ likes’ on many sites( I can’t compare to other men since I have no notion what the average is) and had plenty of conversations over the years, some of which were even initiated by the other person. It’s merely that there’s virtually zero closure, and the few dates I’ve had were uneventful. The real problem, though, is that out of the fifty or so conversations I’ve had, getting only a couple dates from it is pathetic, regardless of how they ended up. And yet, I keep coming back to those multitudes of men who, if need be, could probably hook up with a bot. Their explanation: I’m just really, really good at this. Ok, sure, good at what, inducing non-existent women materialize from the void? What does any of this even “re going to have to” do with skill? It’s beginning to become more apparent to me that there’s probably some kind of cosmic force behind this that’s responsible for permitting certain people to have certain attributes that enable them to accomplish things that would otherwise be impossible. Like how some people just seem to fall ass backwards into money for no apparent reason while others remain poor. You could call it ridiculously good fortune or something divinely intended- either way, it would go a long way in explaining the massive difference between the reactions people have to reading the exact same terms typed by two different people. I think most people are hesitant to take this theory severely because they’ve become complacent with the b they’ve been fed by online “gamemasters” and want to believe the hype. I concur, it’s easier that way, but regrettably it induces no sense: if an foreigner visited this planet and was told about the reasons behind the discrepancies, would he believe it? Perhaps all of this is just because I’m horribly bitter and can’t just had recognized that I suck at online dating. Maybe I should just admit that I have no game and should take a lesson from the masters to improve my opportunities. Or just quit the online dating game wholly. I guess when there’s no right technique to anything, there’s no right answer either.