I’ve been on various dating sites for several years and I’ve had basically zero luck. I’m not a bad seeming guy( I have pics if anyone needs confirmation) but I’m truly starting to feel annoyance defining in at this phase, especially when I read how easy it apparently is for so many men. I keep hearing about “you have to be attractive” and “you have to have game”, but none of this helps me.
Recently, I got a subscription to the hook-up site NoStringsAttached, affiliated with AdultFriendFinder, out of a mixture of curiosity and desperation, but I can say it’s easily been worse than the dating sites, as there’s hardly ever anyone online and certainly no one remotely close to my region of the world anyway. Most of what I’ve found on here is either bots or borderline sociopathic scammers over the past 2 week, basically no real profiles or genuine people. And yet, out of sheer sadism, I keep looking up other men’s experiences with online dating and get incensed when I hear how their “game” consists of messaging females saying”ur hot, let’s fuck”. What kind of sorry excuse for game is that? Am I supposed to be taking this advice severely? If that works for you, then great, more power to you, but I’m pretty certain telling a woman online you want to have sex with her isn’t what’s defining these guys apart from me. If I ever tried that approach, it would never run.
A few years back, I overheard a guy bragging about how he joined a hookup site and has sex with a new girl every week. His foolproof technique: he messages women and tells “Let’s have sex.” Amazing, wish I had thought of that. Dude should be hosting seminars. When I asked the guy how he’s had such a high success rate, the dude next to me runs “Are you serious? Just look at him! ” Okay, awarded, the guy was attractive, I’ll give him that much, but I’m sure there’s tons of attractive men on these sites and, candidly, having an attractive image and lines like “I want sex” should either work for everyone or no one. I don’t is how some humen have non-stop consistent luck with online dating while others, like myself, get nowhere.
I should probably also mention that as poor as my sex life has been, I’ve had far more success in real life than I have online, which I find odd. Not that it’s wholly relevant but I suffer from autism, which affects the route I express myself( facial expressions, body language, voice modulation, etc .), so you would think that online dating would actually be somewhat easier for me. However, all of my relationships have been from people I’ve met in person , not online, which I believe runs against the conventional wisdom that online dating is a boon for those who can’t hack it face to face. This just adds to my bewilderment, since I would think that- if it’s all the same- my text-based conversation would be more effective than my verbal conversation, seeing as how it’s merely abject words on a screen, and certainly shouldn’t be any less persuasive than anyone else’s terms. Yet, every time I search for tips-off, I get the same useless advice: don’t talk too long, she’ll get bored and stop messaging; don’t rush, she’ll get turned off and stop messaging; always talk about her , not yourself; always talk about yourself , not her; be sensitive; has become a douchebag, etc. I’ve realized by now that none of these people knows what the hell they’re talking about because they’ve been successful DESPITE not having done anything particularly “right”. Whatever they do just seems to garner positive results and that’s resulted them to believe that everything they do has resulted in their success because it’s effective. Well, reality is, if it were truly effective, it would be equally effective for everyone, which it obviously isn’t. And you don’t even have the excuse that it’s “the way” it’s being done because, online , no one can text differently than anyone else, as opposed to presenting yourself a certain route in person via persuasive idiosyncrasies. If it’s just words on a screen, then no one can have the upper hand over anyone else because’ X’ factors such as swagger, charm, and charisma can’t exist in online dating.
And, merely to clarify, I have gotten plenty of’ likes’ on many sites( I can’t compare to other men since I have no idea what the average is) and had plenty of conversations over the years, some of which were even initiated by the other person. It’s just that there’s virtually zero close, and the few dates I’ve had were uneventful. The real problem, though, is that out of the fifty or so conversations I’ve had, getting only a couple dates from it is pathetic, regardless of how they ended up. And yet, I keep coming back to those multitudes of men who, if need be, could probably hook up with a bot. Their justification: I’m just really, really good at this. Ok, sure, good at what, building non-existent girls materialize from the void? What does any of this even have to do with skill? It’s beginning to become more apparent to me that there’s probably some kind of cosmic force behind this that’s responsible for permitting certain people to have certain attributes that enable them to accomplish things that would otherwise be impossible. Like how some people just seem to fall ass backwards into fund for no apparent reason while others remain poor. You could call it ridiculously good fortune or something divinely intended- either way, it would go a long way in explaining the massive difference between the reactions people have to reading the exact same words typed by two different people. I think most people are hesitant to take this theory severely because they’ve become complacent with the bs they’ve been fed by online “gamemasters” and want to believe the hype. I concur, it’s easier that way, but unfortunately it builds no sense: if an alien visited this planet and was told about the reasons behind the discrepancies, would he believe it? Perhaps all of this is just because I’m horribly bitter and can’t just accept that I suck at online dating. Perhaps I should just admit that I have no game and should take a lesson from the masters to improve my chances. Or just discontinue the online dating game altogether. I guess when there’s no right technique to anything, there’s no right answer either.